I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
