i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
