Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
