wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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