I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
