my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
