I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
