the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
