So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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