mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
