do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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