my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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