Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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