All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
