I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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