The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
