I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
