I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
