my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
