Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
