I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
love makes seman taste better
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
