Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
