shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
kristin has been a bad kristin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
