I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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