we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
