I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my liver is dry heaving
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
