I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
