if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
