FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
