My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
