Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
