My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
