dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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