I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
