I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
