So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They took my balls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
