He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
