oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
