It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
