if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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