I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
