Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
