we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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