Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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