I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
