he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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