Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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