You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
