I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
