You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
