you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
