piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
