Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
